That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
