and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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