Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
