I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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