It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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