if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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