He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
