he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
