I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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