so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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