It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
