Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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