I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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