I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
time to smoke my breakfast
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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