4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
