Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
