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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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