you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone came in the potted fern
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
