just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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