I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
