Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
