I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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