Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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