you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
