He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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