Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
