so explain again why im purple
no
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this just has baby written all over it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
