ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
