i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
