just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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