...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
