you traded sex for a burrito?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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