i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
