I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize