i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
