a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
