I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
