she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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