so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
