Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
