what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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