were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
