We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
