Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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