Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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