he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
