i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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