How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
