I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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