He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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