he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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