u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
