2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
