Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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