Yo dont text me then not text me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
