dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
