All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
