How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
