somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
