who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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