It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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